


ADHD Is More Than Just Being Distracted

by DigitalThespian



Category: Persona 5
Genre: ADHD, Communication, Established Relationship, F/M, Femdom, Healthy Relationships, Hypersexuality, No Smut, Praise Kink, Relationship Discussions, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalThespian/pseuds/DigitalThespian
Summary: Makoto and Akira talk about some of the issues in their relationship.
Relationships: Niijima Makoto/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 30





	ADHD Is More Than Just Being Distracted

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY  
> So, this one is a bit different. It's still the wonderful fluffy goodness y'all likely have come to expect from me if you've read any of my other stuff, but it's also a lot more on the 'real' side.
> 
> In case it wasn't already obvious, I have ADHD in real life; I aimed to make Akira's troubles here representative of what hypersexuality is really like, and so I drew heavily on some of my own mistakes, in the hope that others will recognize them early in themselves or their partners. Maybe some of you who hadn't known about it before will be able to understand better if you end up with someone like that yourself. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but I've spoken to enough fellow sufferers of ADHD/hypersexuality to know that this is accurate in a general sense at _worst_ , and actionable at best.
> 
> People with hypersexuality can often have very strained sex lives, either because their partner doesn't 'get it' or because they themselves have yet to suss out what the hell it is that's going on up in their brain that's making them like this. (Until _very_ recently I fell in this second camp; it remains to be seen whether I will fall prey to the first now that I do know that the fuck is going on.) I can only hope that this alleviates some of that tension for someone.
> 
> ADHD is scary, and poorly understood by most; but it _is_ real, and you aren't making it up. You're not weak-willed, you're not lacking in discipline, you're not stupid.
> 
> And most of all?
> 
> You're not alone.
> 
> –DT

"Why do you always say you want to please me, and then five minutes in it's like you have no self control? Or when you have morning wood, or.. really just a boner at all. What is going _on_?" Makoto reached out gently, touching Akira's cheek. "I know you're a good guy, and you do so much that isn't fun or pleasurable for you, so I know you _can_ , so what..?"

He hunched in on himself. "It's.. it's like this; you know how executive dysfunction makes it so that doing stuff—or not doing stuff, depending—has like, an activation energy?"

She nodded, and he continued. "Right, so there are only a couple of things that can bypass the unwieldy part of my brain, and they're mostly primal; the so-called 'four F's'."

"Remind me what those are?"

"Fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating."

"That doesn't—oh."

"Yeah. I just break it down as 'survival' and 'non'; survival functions ignore executive dysfunction. That's why I hardly eat—as long as I don't, I'm free to operate as I please in order to find food, whether I'm actually getting food or not. But as soon as I do, that barrier comes back up and it's back to the same song and dance."

Makoto nodded again, patiently waiting for him to get to the point.

"When I get turned on, the 'horny brain'—as I call it—can bypass the usual logic train just by merit of being unhindered. The part of me that thinks rationally has to make a goddamn appointment just to get up to get a snack; it doesn't stand a chance at stopping the horny part from just doing what it wants—especially since the horny part doesn't even grasp the concept of delayed gratification, let alone appreciate it."

"So to make sure I'm getting this; your ADHD causes you to hyperfocus on getting off, and the rational part of you watches in dismay from the sidelines."

"Yeah, pretty much. It's like, a _thing_. It's called hypersexuality, I'm pretty sure. I know my assertion that I just want to do what you want to do feels facetious, or fatuous, or insincere, but I really really do mean it. That's kind of the appeal when I say I'm into it when a woman knows what she wants and _makes_ me give it to her. I can let myself wholly enjoy the experience without having to spend a ton of energy and focus on managing my asshole brain."

"But isn't it unsatisfying for you if—"

"I'm gonna stop you right there; making you happy and making you feel good are things that are both _immensely_ satisfying to me. Yes, I still have needs and desires of my own both in the bedroom and out; but one of those is a deep-seated desire to do a good job. Is this healthy? No, probably not, since it's a learned trauma response to my asshole perfectionist father," She reached out and squeezed his hand affectionately, and he smiled appreciatively. "Thank you."

She smiled back, before nodding for him to continue. "But I don't think it's wrong to leverage the way my brain works to have a good time. I'm working on fixing it, and maybe it'll shift my preferences as I do, but in the meantime I see no issue with exploiting this particular psychological loophole of mine in the name of showing you—and therefore me by extension—a good time."

"..That makes a lot of sense. Is that why we had those issues with the whole shower sex 'sense of obligation' misunderstanding?"

"Yeah. The horny brain is nigh impossible to wrest control from; ADHD in general amplifies things. If I'm doing something I like, it's harder to switch to something I don't, rather than vice versa. Masturbating— _especially_ if it's to you, _double_ especially if you're live and in-person—is a double whammy, too. It's enjoyable on a non-horny brain level, and it _also_ has the might of the survival brain behind it. Because the survival brain can't tell I'm jerkin' it and not actually procreating. I have, on _numerous_ occasions, been late to things because I misjudged how soon I needed to leave, decided to rub one out before I left, and _couldn't stop_ even once it was apparent I was _not_ gonna finish in time. I usually try to just avoid letting the horny brain get involved at all, but.."

"But since you want to make me feel good, and since _that_ turns you on, you can't avoid that particular pitfall."

"Exactly." He paused. "Well, _technically_ it doesn't rely on my fixation with pleasing you. Even if we're just showering for practical purposes.. no one gets me hot like you do. But the resultant effect is the same, if not slightly worse, actually. You're just _too_ attractive, babe."

"I appreciate the compliment, but I think you're biased."

"Sure I am, but there's no denying that porn videos exist with titles bragging about how the girl was 'so hot' or 'so good' or whatever that they could make the guy cum 'super fast', and they're like, 3 or 4 minutes."

"..so?"

"You've consented to me filming us twice; both times I was intending to try to make it last at least a little longer—though you generally _want_ me to finish quickly, because of the discomfort—which, I'm really sorry if I contributed to that, but I think it's actually the soap causing irritation from the shower sex?—anyway, the point is, both videos are under a minute long."

"I mean.. okay, yeah."

"And it isn't just me having a short fuse; I can't get _myself_ off that fast, even with the internet at my fingertips. Sure, variety is the spice of life, or whatever, but if I had to choose which one you are, it would be garlic."

Makoto made a face. "..I'm not sure if I should be insulted."

"Weird analogy, I know, but it's true. It's absolutely crucial to bring out a dish's full potential, and there's no such thing as too much garlic. Other women may hold some level of interest here and there and from time to time," He took her hands, looking very seriously at her. "but I will _always_ want you."

"..Thank you, Akira. I do feel a bit better now. So you're suggesting that I simply.. stop you if I don't want to have sex?"

"I want sex to be a thing we can enjoy doing together, not something you feel like you _have_ to do. I want you to be utterly confident that you _really_ don't have to; both for your peace of mind, and for the fact that nothing turns me on like you soliciting me and knowing that _you_ want it, not that you think it's what you 'need' to do as a significant other." He smiled. "So if that means you shut me down, that's okay. I do want you to jump my bones occasionally—as you have called it before—but I'm more than okay with you keeping me on a short leash for as long as you need to feel comfortable. At the end of the day, there are two major things I'm after in the bedroom:"

He held up a forefinger, putting his other index finger on it. "One, I want to feel safe and loved. This is the biggest one; if you make me feel safe and loved, there's really not a lot I _wouldn't_ be willing to do for you—or let _you_ do to _me_." He added his middle finger, shifting his index finger to it. "Two, I want to know I'm doing a good job. If you thought 'praise kink', you're right on the money."

"..that's all?"

He smiled. "That's it; everything else is just icing on the cake."

"Like what?"

Another finger. "Three: I love hearing your voice. Words, moans, giggles, sighs, all of it. I love the way you sound."

She blushed. "But my laugh is so bad.."

"Hell no, your laugh is magical and beautiful and so very _you_."

"Thanks, Akira."

"So yeah. You probably noticed that you can do all of those at once pretty easily; if you lovingly pet my hair and tell me 'you're doing so good for me' and/or call me a good boy, I'll be—well I was gonna say putty in your hands, but I'm already so whipped as for that to be true anyway.."

He shook his head once. "You get my point. Bonus points for calling me _your_ good boy. Or sweet boy. You get the idea." He nodded as if remembering something. "Oh, and this isn't like, a petplay thing, it's a control thing. It's the praise and affection and intimacy; I'm not into degradation or staying in a cage or whatever. Just hold me and tell me that I'm a good boy for doing what you ask, and that I'm making you happy. But only if I actually am, mind. While I appreciate acting as much as the next guy, the fantasy is _actually_ making you happy, not just you _telling_ me you're happy." He chuckled. "Though I suppose I wouldn't know the difference, considering how dense I can be."

"Still, it feels so _patronizing_."

"I mean, it is, a little bit. Let me explain. I've spent most of my life controlling others and trying to do everything in my power to make myself look good so people would like me. Hell, most of the stupid shit I've done in our entire _relationship_ has been driven—consciously or otherwise—by me trying to show off to you."

"You don't need to do that, Akira."

"Sure, I _know_ that, but deep seated shit like that is hard to shake. My dad was a controlling lunatic and a perfectionist; combine that with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and you get a kid who is wholly unable to handle not being the best at all times, or at least not being seen as competent or cool. So it's really hard to shake that urge to showboat based on metrics that have been ingrained into me that _I don't even like_."

"Akira.."

"I want to do right by you. I really can't overstate it. If I'm doing something that bothers you, _please_ talk to me about it?"

"I want to, but you _do_ get really defensive.."

"I know, and I'm sorry. That's my fault too, and I'm working on it. I can't promise I won't do that, only that I'll do my best not to. If I do prove impossible, or it's just not bothersome enough to deal with then, still, talk to me about it later."

"On the other hand is the reason I brought all this up; if I'm being difficult and it _is_ important to you that I stop, don't be afraid to flutter your lashes at me and play the 'Please? Will you do it for me?' card. I know that feels manipulative and gross, but look at this this way; it's like a plot between you and I to trick the mean parts of my brain into behaving. Plus is it _really_ manipulating me if I gave you explicit instructions on how to do so, and then _asked_ you to make use of that information? I'm not _just_ incredibly submissive, though that factors in. I want to be the best I can be, and I want you to be safe and comfortable telling me no. I know that asking you to help manage _my_ problems is no small amount of extra burden, and I'm sorry for that. I'm doing my best, and I want to provide you with as many tools as I can to help you handle me for when I inevitably fall a little short."

She smirked. "Plus you get off on me telling you what to do."

He laughed. "Yes, yes I do." He took on a more serious tone. "You're the first person I've felt like I could truly _believe_ in, someone I can put all my support behind. Not because you're my significant other—I do want to do right by you, as I've said, but that's not the core of it—but because I believe that you're the kind of person the world needs. I've said this before, but come to think of it, I may not have ever said it to you directly, but.. you're my _hero_. You showed me how to be good. I was bitter, and angry, and had little to no faith in humanity. But you were different. You were someone who was nice _and_ successful, who was kind _and_ talented. For a long time it felt like those who were nice or kind were destined to scrape by, they were kind and nice because they had nothing better. You're kind because you _believe_. You genuinely see the best in people, not because you're naive, but because you _choose_ to believe in them. You believe in learning for its own sake, something that I long held in high regard but lost sight of along the way."

"Akira, you're making me blush!"

"I'm sorry, I just—I _have_ to say this," He took a deep breath. "I dedicate so much of myself to you not because I feel obligated to, or because you're my significant other. I do it because I believe that helping and supporting you will make the world a better place. I do it because I believe in the things you believe in—at least, as far as I know—and you're not the deceptive type, so I'm inclined to believe you."

She smiled gently, covering her face with her hands.

"I dedicate myself to you because I believe in _us_. I believe that either of us could change the world; imagine what we could accomplish together. This is something that _I_ want to do, because I believe that it's a good use of my time and energy, and because I enjoy it. I'm teaching myself how to have an open mind, and I'm relearning what I like. Before I just liked what I was 'supposed' to like, did what I was 'supposed' to do. Be a good student, stay in line, keep your head down, don't talk too much, don't get an arts degree."

She snorted, and he smiled before continuing. "But now I'm finding that all sorts of things I didn't like are actually pretty cool. All this has been to establish a key fact, and it is critical to me that you know this."

"Know what?"

"They say not to change yourself for others, and that's true to some extent; but there's always a catch. Everyone is different. You've said I'm a walking exception, and you'd be right. I already went to the effort of changing almost everything about my adult personality, and I'm not done. I'm never going to be, because there's always something to improve. I _am_ changing myself for you, but only indirectly. I'm trying to change myself into the best possible man for you to love because the sort of man who could be loved by a woman like you—a woman who I believe in so fervently—that man is the kind of man I want to be. Maybe we won't last, maybe we will. But any changes I make to myself—be they for your sake or my own—are changes I intend to keep no matter how this turns out."

**Author's Note:**

> I've enabled comment moderation this time; please do not be discouraged from commenting though! I always love to answer questions, I'm just being more picky about what gets attached to this work in a more permanent sense due to its importance to me, and the gravity I feel it carries.
> 
> EDIT: That sounds _really_ pretentious goddamn, alright, uh.. I don't want to feed the trolls, so I'm doing this.


End file.
